So I’ve shared with you my back story, but I have so much more to tell you! This blog is not intended to be a “woe-is-me “tale or a place where we air our grievances about how awful existing was, or where we compare abuse stories. I shared my story so you will know, ” I get it.” So when I tell you, YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE A STATISTIC, you might actually believe me.
From the age of 8 I was stubborn. I refused to be a statistic, I refused to let a really awful childhood define who I’d grow up to be. I’m not particularly gifted or brilliant but I was smart enough to realize two things, 1: I wanted out and 2. I needed a plan.
I don’t know what it was about me that made me even think of getting out, (I have found that most young foster children only want to go home). Maybe it’s because I knew to stay would more than likely end up in my death if not something much worse. I also knew that there was a better way to live because,while I hid myself under loads of dirty laundry, I’d often watch Nick at Night. I’d fantasize that Donna Reed, the nice lady, with the dress and necklace in the big white house was my mom, that the people sitting around the table laughing at dinner where my family…And a dream was hatched.
So my First tip for you is this:
IN ORDER TO HAVE A PLAN YOU MUST FIRST HAVE A DREAM!
What does a successful life look like to you? Do you want to be famous, rich, popular?
I once wanted to be a famous actress and it wasn’t really just a pipe dream, (I went to school for theater)but as I got older I defined success differently. Even as a young child, I understood that I wanted to be “normal”more than anything else (including going to Hollywood). I wanted a happy marriage with 3 or 4 kids, I picked out their names, and even their wardrobes. I wanted to marry a nice guy. (Which meant he had to at some time been a boy scout )and I wanted my own house. I focused on things in a way that could only be described as an obsession and I let nothing take me off that track. Before pinterest even existed, I cut out pictures of all of the things I wanted in life and how I planned to live. I posted them on my closet door in college and when I moved,my inspiration boards moved with me.
So dream!
Ask yourself “What will make me feel successful at life?” “What kind of person do I want to be?” What kind of family do I want to have? How do you want to look? Do you want to be a working parent? Do you want to stay at home? Do you even want kids? How do you want people to treat you? Do you want to be single, or have a relationship? What kind of relationship do you want? This should be fun….. and it will be exhausting!
After you have fleshed out your dream board. You make a plan.
Ask yourself, “What action steps can I do today to get me where I want to be in the long run?”
They can be simple such as “I want to be more attractive” so “I’ll brush my teeth/wear clean clothes” or “I want to be well read, so I will read a little from a book every day”Or better yet, “I’ll read a book a week”.
Remember that YOU are the CEO of your life! If you want to be successful at life YOU MUST TAKE ACTION, be selfish, and do what you need to do!
There is a trick to being a control freak that people don’t hate..and that is having a contingency plan, a PLAN “B” (or if you are me a plan “C’ “D” & “E”) because sometimes we can’t control everything. We have to train ourselves to “Chill”. If it’s: 1. Not really important, or 2. IF it is really out of your control,(like fertility is for me) then move on to your plan “b”. If you are prepared for the change in plans you ebb the chaos, and you don’t lose all of the control.( Which is MAJOR for many of us.)
What I mean when I say” be a control freak” Is DON’T SETTLE!!!. “I love this little classroom quote that says “shoot for the moon, you’ll end up among the stars.” When we have a detailed plan of exactly how we will achieve success we an measure our choices as to whether or not they fit our end game.
raisingourselvesupblog 